This is Why I’m Leaving

​It has been nearly 6 months, and I’m tired.

Six months ago you broke my heart. You found someone new and decided you wanted her instead. So you told me you didn’t think you loved me, and you went to be with her. Oh, but let’s not forget the most important part. The part where you said “I still want to be friends.”

So, I agreed. I fought through the pain of my heart break, on top of the pain of watching you with your new girlfriend, just so we could still be friends. I forgave the lying, the secrets, all of it. And you made sure to remind me that you “weren’t leaving.” I stayed. I stayed for you and because I thought that we could really make it work. I’d done the friend thing with exes before, so I wanted to believe that you and I could really be friends.

But the day you broke up with me, you left. No matter how many times you protested that you were “still here” and “weren’t going anywhere”, you were already gone. You withdrew from me. You ignored me. But I still stayed. I still fought. I still wanted to believe that we could make this work, somehow. But that was only the beginning of the end of us.

So, it’s been six months now…

And I’m leaving.

I’m finally done.

And I want you to know why.

I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from spending so much time trying to make us work. I spent the last six months trying to make you put in the same effort I was. I wanted you to show that you wanted this friendship. Obviously, that was too much to ask of you.

You pushed me away. You drove me to this point. You abused the fact that I care for you. You abused the fact that I would do anything to make this work. You knew that I would put up with anything if that meant you would stay.

I tried so hard to move on. Every time I started to, every time I started to pull away, there you were pulling me back in. Telling me you love me. Telling me you miss me. I should have known. I should have seen that you were just trying to keep me within your reach so that when I was convenient for you again, I would be there. And for some reason, I thought that was normal. I mistook your desire for my convenience as love.

You are a narcissistic, controlling, emotionally manipulative human being. It took me almost a year to see that. You used any weakness you saw in me to your advantage.

Never forget why I left.

I don’t ever want you to forget who pushed me to the edge.

When you think about me, I hope you remember how much I loved you, how much I was willing to do for you. I want you to remember that I gave you all that I could, and you still didn’t think it was enough. I want you to remember that I supported and encouraged you, even when you wouldn’t do the same for me. Remember that I was willing to change everything about me, for you.

It’s time for you to let me go. Let me walk away. Let me go, in peace. I’ve finally found happiness, and after all that you have put me through, I think I more than deserve that.

Please, don’t try to sneak in and pull me back to you. Let me be happy. Let me finally learn how to truly live without you.

So this is it. This is my final goodbye. I’m deleting your pictures, I’m blocking your number, I’m walking away. You can’t cause me anymore pain.
And this time, it really is the end.

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