Most of us have that one person that we can’t get away from. We go back to them over and over again. We accept their bullshit and we call it love. We deal with the pain because we want to believe that one day we will be enough for them.
You are that person for me. You’ve hurt me and disappointed me more times than I can count. I thought that I loved you enough for the both of us. I thought that by continuing to forgive you and love you, you would realize that no one will ever be able to love you the way that I do. I was hopeful that one of these days you would come to your senses and leave the other girls because I was who you wanted.
But that day never came. You would get a new girlfriend, you would tell me that we were done. Sure enough a few weeks would pass and you would be back in my life telling me you loved me. Telling me you needed to figure out what was going on in your head. So I stayed. Our relationship progressed as usual, getting closer both physically and emotionally. Every time I ended up in your bed, we would tell ourselves that this is the last time. But it never was. It always led back to us in your bed with me in your arms while you texted your girlfriend and told her you loved her.
I was your dirty secret. You got the thrill of the relationship with me, without the commitment. And for some reason, I was content with that. I think its because I was hung up on a time where I wasn’t a secret. A time where I could openly tell you I loved you, bring you around my friends, kiss you in public… I wanted to hang on to the belief that we could get back to that.
The ugly, nasty truth is that you were never planning on making me more that The Other Woman. You never intended on telling her about me. You never intended on leaving her. I was a game to you. It was fun. Exhilarating. You enjoy the adrenaline that sneaking around gave you. And you kept me reeled in with false promises of love.
I am worth more than that. I am worthy of being committed to. I am worthy of a real, true love that is not based on lies. I am worthy of being the ONLY woman, not the Other Woman.
If anything, this experience with you has shown me exactly what I never want to accept for myself again. I am amazing. I am full of love. I have so much to offer the world. I refuse to let someone try to put out my flame, ever again.
I am worth more than what I have accepted from you for so long. I am worthy of a love that changes every idea I’ve ever had of what love should feel like… in a positive way.
And even though I love you, even though it kills me, I can’t accept what you are willing or able to give me.
I’m learning to love myself in a really big way. That starts with knowing that I am worthy of more.